Thanksgiving Thoughts . . .

Year one of law school . . . no food stamps. :-) 

Year two of law school . . . food stamps. :-) 
I can't believe I did not even take out my camera yesterday! We had a great Thanksgiving, calm, quiet, but fun! We went for a run together (with the two strollers) in the morning (Sammi, Daniel and William ran for awhile, too -- Daniel lasting the longest), we prepared the food (Charles doing the bulk of it), we had our yummy dinner,  then watched  part of a movie, and then we played games. It was a simple, but sweet day. 

I did it a little differently this year . . . I began my Thanksgiving with a fast (2 meals starting the night before). I wanted to experience a little more of gratitude and a little less of gluttony. :-) I don't think that fasting works like wishes (tell and it won't come true) so, I would like to express why I was fasting . . . 

Sometimes, I find myself envious, jealous, and even (I hate to admit), prideful.  If I were to blame it on being "human" it may be partly true, but I know that I am so much more than that. My pride does not stem from dissatisfaction with my own life, or my own "things", or my understanding of the universe. I am so grateful for what I have, I truly am. And I understand my place in the world, too. But I seem to be stuck in a state of what I call "poor man's pride". . . . As I look up from the bottom level of the ship, just grateful to be riding on the boat, I wonder . . . how did those people get to be up on first-class? Why do they deserve to be there? What choices have they made to be the "upper-crust"? What is the difference between those on bottom deck, and the lofty level 1? . . .  

Sure, we may hold the same title (attorney) as those who dwell "upward" but that means little when the checkbook is balanced, and spaghetti is on the menu, again. Sometimes, I must admit, we (Charles and I) wonder . . . why did we ever venture off to law school in the first place? Why were we driven to pursue such an unnatural course (for us). Why did we do everything "the hard way" for example: getting married young, going to school, having babies while in school and complete poverty, choosing math (Charles weakest subject) instead of choosing an easy major, moving away from family and familiarity -- for law school and torture. Why did we do all these things? Good question. 

No, no, there is a reason . . . inspiration. At least, at the time that we made all of our crucial decisions, we did (and have always done so) with great prayer, fasting, and struggle -- not ease and a golden trail paved before us, to show us the certain way. Our decisions (especially if they seemed right) seemed to call out for "hell's bells" to ring -- to try and stop us. Sometimes it was the simple things, like mere distraction, that would try to throw us off. But more often than not, it would be money, poverty, and dealing with the realities of existing (somehow) on nothing, that would make us question our previous "inspired" decisions. How could our decisions be right, when things seemed to be going (at least financially) wrong?

Then the pioneer stories come to mind . . . most (if not all) of which were filled with toil, trials, pain, loss, sacrifice, and often death. Yet, the course they were on (to Zion) was the most "correct" course anyone could be on . . . you would think they would have traveled there on a cloud, a golden chariot, instantly "beamed" there, or something. If what they were doing was "right" then it should have been "easy", right? Obviously, that is not the way things work in life. Though sometimes things do work out "perfect" and smoothly, more often then not, some trial is bound to try and test you -- if you are on the right track. We don't do things because they are easy, we do them because they are right! The Savior's life is the perfect example of a (THE) correct course, being fraught with Ultimate trial.

So, where am I going with this? Good question! It is something I have been considering a lot, lately. As it stands now, our 5 person family lives in a 2 bedroom home, with 1 bathroom (and though in a good location, has lost value in the last year). We have a 5 passenger car sporting the year 1995. We have more student loan debt for law school -- then we owe on our house. We make JUST enough money to survive on one income (I will not return to work until ALL of the children are out from under my care). We make it, we survive -- barely. (If you are wondering about Disneyland -- my parents are VERY generous). 

Anyhow, our situation, to some (myself included) may seem bleak, sometimes. (Just considering pure numbers.) The hope for a better future seems a bit diminished by the shroud of darkness covering the country. Hope has been what we survived on these last many years of our lives. (Like, we hoped that going to law school would make our lives more comfortable -- the whole reason we went in the first place.) We have relied upon hope when forces seemed unbearably against us. There were moments along the way when we felt like Frodo at the top of Mt. Doom . . . when he was so close to finishing his journey, but he was overcome by his task, his heavy burden, and he felt he could go no further. His hope seemed to be lost. (I am speaking of our law school experience). Luckily, for us though, we had hope from an unearthly Source. An infinite Source. The Source of ALL hope. We did make it through, despite all our fears. Our hope carried us through, it still does, and always will. 

I also, sometimes, forget that we are not like others who may not have struggled so much on their journey (when I say "so much" that is not to diminish the trials of others, which I am sure were great, too) . . . but our journey is different . . . we are changing our stars. It is not an easy thing to do. Charles did not have the advantages that so many of his peers had. He pushed forward despite all odds against him. (I am not going to go in-depth, but his childhood/youth was far from "ideal" or even pleasant -- to say the least). When I say overcome, I mean overcome! He still astonishes me to this day. He has come so far, so very far. I am so grateful that I hitched my wagon to his star! I would not miss watching him "shine" for anything. 

I am going on and on (I tend to do that) . . . so back to the beginning. I struggle . . . I struggle with watching so many people suffer, when so many others have such ease. When the Titanic sunk, they first loaded those on the upper-decks into the lifeboats, while those down below were forced to wait "their turn". The result of waiting their turn . . . a frozen grave. It has always been thus. The wealthy thrive, while the poor die. It has always been hard for me to understand the injustice of this mortal world; The division of classes, the haughtiness of silver-spoon people, the better-than-you concept, the utter, despicable, pride. It haunts my thoughts, these troublesome things, even daily. 

There will, however, come a day when the division of classes, will be no more. When our "worth" will not be judged by our pocketbooks, but by our faith, actions, and our hearts. When our hearts will no longer be grasping for the ashes of worldly treasures; rather, they will long for the "treasures" which will burn with eternal glory, forever. . . 

I live in a small house, but it is filled (literally) with those whom I love and who love me. My bank account is half-empty, but my heart is full. My car is a lemon, but I continuously squeeze lemon-aide out of it. Our school debt is tremendous, but our debt to the Savior is eternal. Charles has a good job, when many others are out of work. Just a few reasons to be grateful! 

I have the gospel of Jesus Christ to light my life and my way. I know who I am. I cannot describe in words the gratitude I feel in my heart -- the screen would burst into flames. I know that no amount of "things" will ever make one happy. (There is proof enough of that all over the news.) I know that if you are not happy with what you have right now -- you will never be happy -- no amount of more, will ever fill your desire.  I am full. I am happy. I am overwhelmed. I have everything in the world that I could ever desire. Everything else . . . just details. 

I was fasting to have a greater sense of gratitude in my life, for my life. I also added a line about letting me teach myself, rather than having it "thrust" upon me, through some tragedy, etc. (I made that mistake once (not being specific) when I asked to "be humbled" -- not a good idea!) I always express my gratitude in my prayers, always.  But I would like to take it to the next level, and feel gratitude more deeply.  That is my hope, my wish, for this holiday season . . . 

To feel, deeply, grateful . . . And I do! 

Runaway Turkey

Sammi was given a blank turkey to decorate (for fun) for school. So, since I was out of glue, we had to be creative (and use staples). This is our "I'm out of here" turkey. Our turkey is heading to Disneyland to hide from those who would eat him for Thanksgiving -- Sammi is helping him find his way. :-) Just so happens . . . this is not the only turkey heading off to Disneyland . . . we turkeys are too!! I can't wait!

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Date Day

Saturday was great! We went out from 1:45-7:30 with some of our good friends, the Holdens. We got the best baby-sitters (twins) to watch our combined 5 kids, and off we went! Where did we go? Well . . . New Moon -- of course! Charles and Ryan wanted to go so badly, so Erin and I had to be dragged along. ;-) 

It was such a fun time. The theater was full of raging female hormones. There was a vast age group, with some much too young girls, and also some men -- who seemed a little too excited to be there! What struck me the most was the smell. I have never been in a theater that smelled like a botanical garden. So many different floral smells -- it was a bit overwhelming. I guess the flower-coated girls were hoping Edward would jump off the screen and find them? 

It was awesome to be there with so much enthusiasm. People were excited. Girls (and men) were screaming and "Wo-Hooing", and gasping. It was great. We experienced a similar enthusiasm-currant when we saw The Lord of the Rings (Two Towers) on opening night at midnight. It is so fun to be with people who are excited! Of course, most of the excitement was caused by Jacob . . . not Edward. As it should be, in my opinion. :-) But of course, I married a "Jacob" -- so I am biased. 

I was a late-bloomer, as far as Twilight goes. I saw the books on "everyone's" blog, and I thought -- how silly! (I normally avoid band-wagons.) But last Christmas they were put within my grasp (thanks to my niece, Katie, who gave the book to my mom to read). Charles grabbed it first, and he was up all night Christmas Eve reading (and I mean ALL night). He tore through the first one, and off we went to buy the set. I saw the Twilight movie before I read the book, but after the movie, I wanted to know more . . . and the reading began. :-) It was great. I just re-read them recently, and they were even better. It is an easy-read, but it is fun. And on occasion, extremely clever. I think it can be as simple, or as "deep" as you want it to be. I personally enjoy the parable of restraint against overwhelming temptation. (I have a chocolate addiction.) However, I doubt the teeny-bopper girls care as much about addiction-restraint, as they do the perfect, flawless, glorious, immortal, Edward.

Anyhow, so the movie, New Moon, was great. I really enjoyed it. It was WAY better than the first one (which was lame compared to the book). New Moon stayed close to the book, and I think they did a better job with the appearance of the vampires (except for at the end, one of the Volturi was ALL wrong!) As for the werewolves . . . :-) Well done Jacob! Wow! Oh . . . and Bella, well, she wasn't intolerable (like she was in the first movie). She must have had some acting lessons, or something. Edward, (who does not have a ton of screen time) is fair (and I do mean fair!) He pales in comparison to Jacob though (and I do mean pale!) I mean, wow, Jacob kind of blew Edward away, almost too much . . . it makes you question Edward's greatness. Perhaps they should have thrown Edward in the gym, too! 

Anyhow, I am going on and on . . . it is the talk of the town around here. I asked my laurels if they had read the books, seen the movie (the first one) and they ALL have. I thought it was pretty funny. 

As for the movie review . . . it is pretty darn clean. I was glad of that. It seems they will have to keep it tame, to keep the young audience. There was one part (for me) that I did not like. It lasted 1 second, and was the equivalent to some Harry Potter Voldemort scenes. Also, in comparison, the beginning of The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, the first few scenes with changing Gollum (Though, the Gollum scene is probably, no, definitely, worse.) Besides that 1 second (truly it was that long) everything else was pretty good. No icky love scenes or anything (thank goodness!) some smooching, of course, but nothing Aragron wouldn't do, or Harry Potter, for that matter! :-) 

It was a good movie . . . go and see it (if you are planning to) soon, so you catch all the excitement -- it was really the best part! :-) 

Family History -- I am doing it!

We have been doing a lot of family history work lately. It all started back in the summer. We took a trip back to my grandma's house, after she passed away, and we gathered up some of her things (mostly pictures, books, and some furniture) and brought them home with us. For some reason we just felt compelled to do it. My parents were kind enough to fund and go along for the trip, and we were able to gather up some things of worth -- to the family. It was so exciting to look around and find pictures, and information about my family and our history. From that point on I have formed an insatiable hunger to uncover facts and information about where I come from. It has been very exciting. 

Charles and I have been working diligently on www.new.familysearch.org and www.ancestry.com to update our family lines, and to find lost relatives to take to the temple. Charles has been struck hard by the spirit of this work. He is a convert, and his family line was blank. The amazing thing is, as he has been plugging away at the work, he has found that others have been working on his line as well, his history -- in some cases -- has been recorded. We have even found pictures of great grandpa's, and beyond. It has been very exciting for him to find out who he is, by discovering his ancestors. The only problem now is pulling him away from it. :-) He is thoroughly captivated. 

You can find information just by google-searching. I found a name on our line: Dr. Cullen (No, not the vampire). ;-) I did a little search on him with names and dates and found all sorts of information/stories, etc. along with names and dates of others connected to the family, not previously entered on our line. So much is available, sometimes you have to dig for it, but it is amazing what can be found. 

There is SO much accessible information. The internet has information available at the click of a button, that would have taken years to find before. One of the amazing things about the New Family Search program is that it can link up all the work that has already been done. For example: Charles entered information for a few generations back, he found a particular name that had already been entered with attached lineage -- the information just exploded, and that line was traced back to Adam (or so it said). It is really fun to look through all of the names. Especially as you get into Knights and Royalty. The dates are amazing as well. When you find a familiar historical name, you can google search and learn all about that person with new interest. 

The Temple has taken on a whole new perspective. I now understand that linking our families together through the generations is the most important work we can do. I "knew" it before, but I know it now. Everything has been put in a different light, as I find myself connected to the past. 

It is our great privilege to do this work for our ancestors. They need us to do it. We have great tools available to move this work forward. It is exciting, it can be hard -- but it is so worth it. I have felt greater peace enter my life, as well as a feeling of greater purpose. 

You may think your work has been "done" but I am sure there is work to do. I have found that true in my case. And it is your family history, history you should come to learn and love, personally. So, if you have a moment, sign yourself up for New Family Search. You need to be a member, and you need your member number, too. There is all sorts of help to get you started. You can find out who you are!! 

It also gives you a greater perspective of how we are all connected, truly, "brothers and sisters". We are all family -- each one of us is connected -- we are, of course, children of God after all. It is exciting, as you go back far enough, you can see how lines intertwine. You can see how family members from different lines may have traveled together crossing the ocean, or traveling west, or fighting in the same war. When you find out where and when they lived you can look up information, pictures, details, even google map it -- to make it real for you. 

This is one of the pictures that got my interest peeked. That is my Great Grandpa Duncan Kippen (the furthest to the left in the white suit). He was a missionary in Samoa in 1892. 

This was the picture that got me going on Family History. I was sitting at home, flipping through one of the books from my Grandma's house, and my Great, Great, Grandpa Kippen's picture and stories were there. (He is the father of Duncan Kippen the Samoan Missionary.) There was great information about this Mormon Pioneer. It was exciting to find. 
There is much more, and I have a private blog dedicated to family history finds. I just wanted to share my excitement for this new found thrill!! 

Give it a try . . . find your people! They will be forever grateful to you! 

Silly Willy . . . I hope?

I was hovering over the hot stove -- innocently stirring tomato soup -- when William comes leaping into the kitchen chanting, "You're having a baby! You're having a BABY!" I quickly turned around, slightly shocked, and asked him, "What did you say?" He repeated himself, loudly, with arms flapping in the air, "You're having a baby!" My mind quickly replayed all the movies he had seen recently, to determine where he had heard such an endearing phrase? I could not think of any, and no one we know is pregnant? It was very random. Very random.  So, my next question (I thought) would clarify his random words, I asked . . . "Where is the baby?" I thought it was a sure-fire way to prove he was just being silly -- hoping for him to point to himself, a toy, the air . . .  "Right here!" he shouted, as he placed his pointer finger on my gut. Now, I admit, I have had a little too much Halloween candy . . . but my gut is not any more visibly expanded than normal? "Right here?" I questioned, placing my hand on my tummy. "Yes! Right there!" A twinge of fear shuddered through my body . . .  ummmm . . . should I be worried?? 

No Meat?

On Saturday, we went to Costco (I LOVE Costco!) We were looking around for something different to try for Sunday dinner. We came across a big hunk of lamb -- which Charles really wanted to try -- so (of course) we got it. We did not really know what to do with it, but Charles found a good recipe and made it taste yummy. We had a TON of lamb left over and so on Monday night, Charles had an even better idea -- he made Gyros. They were amazing . . . I had never had one before -- YUM!! (Ours were just like the picture below.) Even the kids liked them! 

So, of course, at the dinner table, the joke was . . . (see video)

(My Big Fat Greek Wedding is not my favorite movie -- but I do like it.) :-) This is one of my favorite lines . . .

That lady cracks me up. :-) Lamb is GOOD stuff. If you are looking for something different for dinner -- give Gyros a try! (You can find a million recipes on-line!) I feel exactly like that lady -- You gotta have meat! (sparingly, of course!) ;-) wink!

Alaska

It has been a little over 5 years since we took our long journey away from our homeland, our mother-ship, our Alaska. At the time, I was so excited to leave. I had spent most of my life there (from age 4-24). I was longing for adventure, something new, and exciting. Something different. I was done with Alaska, finished.

I am being VERY brief in my descriptions . . . 

My young years in Alaska: With endless snow in the winter, and endless (literally) sun in the summer -- it was a child paradise! Christmas was magic because you were just a polar-bear step away from the North Pole (and you-know-who!) I can still remember nights sitting by the fireplace, Christmas decor twinkling, listening to Nat King Cole singing The Christmas Song, and watching the snowflakes falling from the pink-tinted sky. 

Christmas was always white, always Magic. I loved being a child there. We had a beautiful home, and we always had fun together. We would travel, often. We would see things, daily, that tourist would pay good money to see. My childhood memories are rose-colored, or I should say . . .  Aurora-colored.

My youth in Alaska: Alaska is a hard place to be a teenager. I thought early-morning Seminary was going to finish me. It was always cold, dark, and cold. Just getting around was a chore, on the thick ice. I can remember, one time, my friend Emily was driving and we landed high-centered on a huge snow-berm. Luckily, some men stopped and picked-up the car, so we could carry on. Again, with Emily, we hit a car (in the winter) who was stopping to look at a moose (not a good idea on a busy road!) It just so happened that we hit the owners of our favorite Chinese food restaurant (we went EVERY Friday night). On a seminary morning I rode with Chris Christensen (in a car crammed-full of teenagers) and he slid on the ice and  hit a light pole. . . let's see, what other car accidents can I think of?? Too many! I also spent some (a lot of) quality time on crutches after a sledding accident. Anyhow, youth, high school (and all that good stuff) seemed extreme there to me. Christmas was still magical, but the other winter months did not shine quite so brightly (at least in my memories). There were lots of good time, and lots of times that seemed a little "dark" in my mind (winter can get to you.) It was a good teenage-life, but it was a hard teenage-life.  (I am being brief, very brief.)

Married life in Alaska:  I spent 4 years of my life with my only outdoor-view being a tall fence that was caving-in. This was the view I had while being a stay-at-home mother to young Sammi and Daniel. We managed an apartment building, for those 4 years, which was located in what some may call "The Ghetto".  There were frequent car break-ins, vandalism, windows broken, murders every now-and-again, and drunks in our entry way (to list just a few of the perks). When we first moved in, the building was full of a colorful array of tenants. We had drug-dealers, prostitutes, chain smokers, criminals, etc. etc. Within 2 months time, they all got the boot (that was fun) and we filled the building with Mormons. It was called (and still is) the Mormon Mansion. It became a "safe haven" amidst the chaos of the neighborhood. Our new tenants were family, friends, and people who quickly became our friends. While managing this building, Charles was doing full-time school, working, he was the Elders Quorum President, and we were car-less. We were poorer than dirt. It was from this place, this scenario, that we left Alaska -- with the hope of better things. 

Which brings me back to the beginning. I wanted something different, something new. When we moved from Alaska, we relocated to Spokane, Washington -- for law school (3 years). It was a beautiful place. It took awhile to get used to the change, but as soon as I did -- I fell in love with Spokane. I loved the trees, the homes, and the change -- it was exciting! I enjoyed the years we spent there, so much. I was sad to leave. Now, in Idaho, we are enjoying our time here, too. Life has been sweet for us. We have had good times, really good times. 

But something is missing . . . I have had this "empty" feeling in my gut, for awhile now. I first attributed it to my desire for more children (the pause button is on in that department). But then, it came to me . . . we are alone. I mean, not really alone, but -- without family. I know you are suppose to find family in your ward, and it is possible to do, I know, I know. We have some great friends -- that I love. But it is different. I miss . . . my real family. We are alone here, and sometimes I feel it, deeply. Sometimes, I don't mind at all, and sometimes -- I do. 

As I was lying in my bed the other night, I started thinking about Alaska -- my homeland, my mother-ship. (It is something I never do.) A great surge of energy flew through my body, and memories began to swirl through my brain. I don't know why, or what it meant? I have purposefully cut myself off from all "feelings" about Alaska. It is a self-defense mechanism I use -- so I don't get hurt. I have to use it for family, too, sometimes. It keeps me safe from my true feelings; therefore, avoiding any pain. 

My family is in Alaska (most of them) otherwise, I don't know that the place would hold so much power over me. But as I thought on my family, and my homeland -- I longed to be there, again, with my people.  Something I would not dare have claimed -- just a short time ago, will now freely flow from my lips . . . I love Alaska. I do. There, I said it. And my family, well, my heart longs to be with you . . .

I have experienced change, something different, and lots of excitement. It is all grand, it truly is. We are happy, wherever we are. I have enjoyed these new places, tremendously.  But, as the saying goes, and in my heart I truly feel . . . There is no place like home. No place like . . . Alaska. 

It's coming . . .

Time to chuck out the moldy pumpkins and get on to the GOOD STUFF . . . 

I can't wait! I love this magical time of year! Halloween is over -- bring on the Christmas Music! :-)

Trunk or Treat

A few pictures taken on Halloween night (by my friend Erin). More pictures to come . . . 

Halloween

So, this year . . . I think I won the pumpkin competition (between me and Charles). :-) Mostly, because it took me A LOT longer to do! Now that I know how to do the pumpkin teeth, I can be much more creative in the years to come! It was really fun! (Mine is the one eating the pumpkin.) ;-) Charles' pumpkin was awesome, too, of course. :-) His looked really great when it was lit up. We had a great time! 
The kids and Charles were gone for 3 hours . . . I was getting worried . . . and rightly so . . . I have NEVER seen so much candy!!! The picture does not do it justice, really! It is crazy! (I thought Sammi's eyes looked creepy in this picture.) :-)