Receive

During this season of glitter and gold
 
Twinkling lights, Santa stories told
 
Presents and wrappings, ribbons and tags
 
Toys and new trinkets, overflowing bags
 
All of these “things” can cause us to forget
 
Giving, of course, is better than get
 
Pause for a moment, when you’re in a hurry
 
When you are rushing around, in a mad fury
 
Peace, be still, look towards the night sky
 
Think of the time, so long gone by . . .
 
When the twinkling lights were not placed on a tree
 
But a star twinkled bright, for the whole world to see
 
The Light of the World that entered that night
 
Was a perfect baby, His mother holding Him tight
 
Jesus came to the world as a baby so small
 
He came to save us, each one of us -- All
 
So, look up, look up! During this Christmas season
 
Remember Jesus, our Savior, is the real reason
 
Not baubles and bangles or presents to the ceiling
 
It is the King of Kings, who offers us healing
 
There is one time when “getting” is better than giving
 
A present given to us by the Father of all living
 
The Ultimate gift He gave us, let us learn to receive
 
The true gift of Christmas, is Christ . . . 
 
Believe!     

      Written by: Maridyth (Me)

We are Back...

From our California vacation! It will take me forever to post pictures, there are SO many! More to come . . .

Soon, very soon . . .

DISNEYLAND!!

Just a few of my favorites . . . :-) Though I pretty much love it ALL! :-)

Breath of Heaven

Suszette and me at the talent night. Suszette is an Alaskan girl, too! 

That must be why she is so wonderful! :-) 

Last night, I had the "opportunity"  (thanks to Suszette, for asking me to join her :-) ) to sing at the ward Relief Society talent night.  Suszette and I sang the song "Breath of Heaven" while the Nativity video played on a projector behind us. It turned out very nicely, especially since we had decided just a week ago to do it! It was quite the little production . . . We had my parents send the karaoke CD all the way from Alaska (THANK YOU SO MUCH!), we had a nice young man (Jonathan) who set up all the projector/sound for us, we had to practice to get the timing just right with the movie and CD, along with our singing practice, too. :-) We had a lovely time preparing (Suszette is a glorious person!) and I am sure we will do it again . . . sometime. :-) 

We were well prepared, we enjoyed our practice time, but when it came down to it -- we were both very nervous for some reason? I guess as you get out of practice performing, you forget how to handle the "butterflies" (or "flock of geese" as Suszette called it). I actually felt sick all day, in anticipation. Suszette and I were trying to comfort each other and the fact that it was a freezing day (below zero in the morning) did not help either! (I was already shaking!) We did "suck it up" as our friend (Erin) likes to say. (Didn't see you up there singing, Erin? Maybe next time?) :-) And I think we pulled-off a nice performance. :-) 

My biggest complaint about pre-performance (like, right as you get on stage) is dry mouth -- why does that have to happen? I know it is a "fight or flight" response, but it stinks! I mean . . . I love singing, even in front of people. I look forward to it, I want to do it. Then, as I approach the microphone . . . it feels like a dentist comes on stage, whips out the little saliva-vacuum, sticks it in my mouth, and Wooooosh!! All the moisture in my mouth -- gone! Not good when you want to sing! When I was young, I loved the anticipation . . . I have just gotten out of practice! Naughty me! Now I feel quite determined to "get over it" and start singing more just to get back in "the groove" and to get over the suck-dryness! ;-)

I love music . . . Singing, especially. When I was a little girl, I would spend hours and hours in my room with my karaoke machine. I would jam out to "Wind Beneath my Wings". I still have the recordings -- they are painful! :-)  But I loved it. I would practice harmonizing with myself and I would try to "stylize" different songs. 

Music has just been a part of my life. From the time I was a little munch-kin my mother had me (and our whole family) singing in church, and all over the place. I was always in the school choirs (which is my least favorite thing to do -- sing in choirs). I am not sure why but I much prefer a duet, small group, or solo -- over singing in a choir? Perhaps it goes back to my karaoke days, jammin-out on my own? Standing still in a choir actually makes me nuts. When I sing, I feel the desire to move . . . not stand still like a tin soldier! High School Swing Choir was good for that -- we got to sing and shake our booties at the same time. :-) Not to mention wearing gold sequence -- what a thrill! :-) I was always singing: in choir, at church, in plays, in dinner theaters. . . . Last night was the first time (well, second time -- counting a primary song, with Sammi) in about 4, maybe 5, years that I have sung in front of people? Lame. 

Anyhow, yes, I have been singing at home all these years, even practicing -- often. But it is time . . . Yes, it is time, to get out of my "comfort zone" and start developing my talent, in front of people. It is like having a testimony and keeping it at home -- rather than sharing it with others . . . no more of that. I am ready . . . to sing! So watch out! LA-LA-LA!! :-) 

Here is an example of the song and video (we did not record our performance, unfortunately.) 

10 years

December 4th, 1999 I married my very best friend, Charles. . . 

I kept a journal, (before blogs), and long ago I printed off some of the e-mails I was sending to my friend (Melinda), back in 1999, with some great insight. Here is an excerpt: Too funny! 

April 23, 1999

Hi there Mo, 

I thought I would drop you a line before I go off  to the dance! I am really excited. Last night I spent 3 and a half hours talking to this awesome guy on the phone. I think I told you a little about him, his name is Charles. Well, I called him and he called me back (at 10 p.m.) and we talked until 1:30 a.m.! It was OK, but the next morning (today) I had to go and teach seminary at 6 a.m. Boy was I tired, but it was worth it! We talked about everything, from the birds to the bees . . . it was SO crazy we were talking about how "our" future would be. He said once . . . " When WE have OUR kids" then he corrected himself, but I was laughing in my head. How crazy?! I know that talking on the phone really late at night, I usually get weird, but I felt totally calm and comfortable talking with him about EVERYTHING! It was fun to do that again, it has been a long time. Tonight there is a dance and I am going to go get ready here real soon, Charles will be there, so I am excited to see him and get to know him even better! . . . 

That "dance" we went to -- was pure magic. I can remember very clearly (not the details of the event) but feelings, that I had during our first dance. Everything else, everyone else . . . obsolete. I do not even remember the song, but I know it was one of the famous Singles Ward slow dance songs (Lady in Red, I Swear, Unchained Melody, etc.) I do remember, very well, the first time we touched . . . Charles took my hand and placed it in his, it was very warm, and strong (I was not interested in guys with girly hands -- I had beat too many of them arm-wrestling). Gently, he pulled me close to him, and like 2 pieces of a puzzle -- our curves fit together, perfectly. I had found him. Bella (speaking of Edward) talks about feeling like a "live wire". Well, it was something like that . . . but it was more like there was some sort of overwhelming magnetic force that was pushing us together. All those years I had heard the cliché line, "You'll just know". Well, unexpectedly, yes, I did . . . just know. No beam came shooting down from heaven, no lightning bolt zapped my brain . . . but I knew I had found my love. We fit, completely. We were meant to be together . . . I am certain of that. 

Another funny e-mail written to Melinda (just an excerpt): Hilarious! (at least to me!)

May 8th, 1999

Well I must go, my Charles will be here soon. I promise to be really good! No kissing for me! It is funny the "desire" is there, but not really . . . it is like a locked-up passion that doesn't want to come out right now. People say, and have been telling me, you HAVE to kiss to know if it "works" but I KNOW it would be just fine. I have NO doubt! :-) It was weird because my mom told me that? After you get to know someone really well . . . it is good to kiss to see if it works? How weird? I don't want to kiss Charles . . . I feel like right now that is not the best thing, but in the future it will be very good. :-) We are practicing self-control and doing very well, thank you! We do snuggle, hold hands, sit close, etc. . . . but no uncontrollable passion-psycho feelings and going crazy stuff. I guess I am kind of a romantic and I want things to be special. I know I like kissing (he, he), I have kissed a few many boys and I don't want to go that direction again. I just have the best time being with him, we do fun things and we talk about good things and educate each other. It is so good, so fun. I really like him so much. 

Charles and I had made a bargain. We were not going to kiss . . . ever. Just kidding. We did, however, make a deal that we would wait to kiss, and not get distracted by the "physical" part of the relationship. Why talk when you can smooch, right? Well, we wanted to talk . . . we wanted to get to know each other, first, before drifting off to la-la land. All of that smoochy- stuff can really get in the way of forming a solid friendship. We were friends . . . in the most passionate, body-distant, non-touching way, possible! That magnetic force was intensely strong and hard to resist! Not kissing made being together just that much more exciting! Kind of like knowing your going to Disneyland . . . but your not there, yet. Exciting! Or like now . . . trying to get away with "smooching" when the kids aren't looking! ;-) Also, exciting! 

We did wait for "awhile" (months) before we ever kissed. I was willing to give in before he was (on our trip to Utah) and he was upset when I tried to kiss him on my Nan's porch. So, instead of a moonlit night outdoors, under the stars . . . he chose the most romantic timing/setting imaginable. We were in my parents basement, surrounded by John, Beth, Melinda, and probably Levi -- all watching Jurassic Park. I guess the dinosaurs made him all mushy, because out of nowhere he leaned in for the smooch! Traitor! I was not interested in our first smooch being in front of an audience . . . so we moved it upstairs, for a proper first kiss. ;-) After that, there was no turning back . . . and we never will (quit smooching, that is!) :-) 

I love Charles. That Bella and Edward stuff . . . pansy-lovers. I cannot express in words my love for Charles . . . blushing, lots of blushing. We were made for each other, to be with each other . . . forever. 

Kevin's Game

We were able to go and see my nephew, Kevin, play basketball last Saturday. It was really great to see him! 

When I think of Kevin . . . I still remember him as a tiny little thing . . .  

Me and Kevin (I was 9 when he was born). 

Their family (Bob and Amy) used to live in Alaska, too. They lived with us when Kevin was born, so we got to have a little baby around -- which was great, since we were all "older kids" and we loved little baby Kevin! He was more like a baby brother, than a nephew. 

This picture is of one of the many trips we took driving from Alaska to Utah . . . a very long drive!! He was not much older than my Daniel, then! Weird!? This age for Kevin really sticks out to me, I was a teenager at that point, so my memory was a little better, mostly. :-) I can still remember his kid voice?? 

After Alaska, they moved to Arizona . . . a place we all loved to visit! Especially during an Alaskan winter!  

Kevin, John, Katie (my niece), and me. 

Now, Kevin is OLD! And very, very, TALL!  

But, no matter how tall he is . . . he will always be little "Kevie" to me . . . :-) 

 Kevie and my Willy (When we got in the car William said, "Ke-bin is cool!" 

Me and little baby Kevin

Some pictures from the game . . . 

The kids LOVED it! They were so into it, it was funny! Daniel started to get upset (grumpy, folding his arms, furrowed brow, etc.) as they were falling behind. (Must get that from Grandpa.) He was keeping close tabs on the score. Sammi was trying to cheer them on, intensely so, and William was trying hard to fall asleep! :-) 

Just ignore the guy in front of us. ;-) wink! He forgot to wear a belt! 

Even though they lost the game, it was still fun . . . and so good to see Kevin! Just reflecting back has made me realize how fast children (myself included!) grow! So grab your little ones tight! Soon . . . they will be big, and on their way to being all grown-up! Yikes! I just want them to be my babies forever . . . . Somebody stop the clock -- I want a time-out! 

Thanksgiving Thoughts . . .

Year one of law school . . . no food stamps. :-) 

Year two of law school . . . food stamps. :-) 
I can't believe I did not even take out my camera yesterday! We had a great Thanksgiving, calm, quiet, but fun! We went for a run together (with the two strollers) in the morning (Sammi, Daniel and William ran for awhile, too -- Daniel lasting the longest), we prepared the food (Charles doing the bulk of it), we had our yummy dinner,  then watched  part of a movie, and then we played games. It was a simple, but sweet day. 

I did it a little differently this year . . . I began my Thanksgiving with a fast (2 meals starting the night before). I wanted to experience a little more of gratitude and a little less of gluttony. :-) I don't think that fasting works like wishes (tell and it won't come true) so, I would like to express why I was fasting . . . 

Sometimes, I find myself envious, jealous, and even (I hate to admit), prideful.  If I were to blame it on being "human" it may be partly true, but I know that I am so much more than that. My pride does not stem from dissatisfaction with my own life, or my own "things", or my understanding of the universe. I am so grateful for what I have, I truly am. And I understand my place in the world, too. But I seem to be stuck in a state of what I call "poor man's pride". . . . As I look up from the bottom level of the ship, just grateful to be riding on the boat, I wonder . . . how did those people get to be up on first-class? Why do they deserve to be there? What choices have they made to be the "upper-crust"? What is the difference between those on bottom deck, and the lofty level 1? . . .  

Sure, we may hold the same title (attorney) as those who dwell "upward" but that means little when the checkbook is balanced, and spaghetti is on the menu, again. Sometimes, I must admit, we (Charles and I) wonder . . . why did we ever venture off to law school in the first place? Why were we driven to pursue such an unnatural course (for us). Why did we do everything "the hard way" for example: getting married young, going to school, having babies while in school and complete poverty, choosing math (Charles weakest subject) instead of choosing an easy major, moving away from family and familiarity -- for law school and torture. Why did we do all these things? Good question. 

No, no, there is a reason . . . inspiration. At least, at the time that we made all of our crucial decisions, we did (and have always done so) with great prayer, fasting, and struggle -- not ease and a golden trail paved before us, to show us the certain way. Our decisions (especially if they seemed right) seemed to call out for "hell's bells" to ring -- to try and stop us. Sometimes it was the simple things, like mere distraction, that would try to throw us off. But more often than not, it would be money, poverty, and dealing with the realities of existing (somehow) on nothing, that would make us question our previous "inspired" decisions. How could our decisions be right, when things seemed to be going (at least financially) wrong?

Then the pioneer stories come to mind . . . most (if not all) of which were filled with toil, trials, pain, loss, sacrifice, and often death. Yet, the course they were on (to Zion) was the most "correct" course anyone could be on . . . you would think they would have traveled there on a cloud, a golden chariot, instantly "beamed" there, or something. If what they were doing was "right" then it should have been "easy", right? Obviously, that is not the way things work in life. Though sometimes things do work out "perfect" and smoothly, more often then not, some trial is bound to try and test you -- if you are on the right track. We don't do things because they are easy, we do them because they are right! The Savior's life is the perfect example of a (THE) correct course, being fraught with Ultimate trial.

So, where am I going with this? Good question! It is something I have been considering a lot, lately. As it stands now, our 5 person family lives in a 2 bedroom home, with 1 bathroom (and though in a good location, has lost value in the last year). We have a 5 passenger car sporting the year 1995. We have more student loan debt for law school -- then we owe on our house. We make JUST enough money to survive on one income (I will not return to work until ALL of the children are out from under my care). We make it, we survive -- barely. (If you are wondering about Disneyland -- my parents are VERY generous). 

Anyhow, our situation, to some (myself included) may seem bleak, sometimes. (Just considering pure numbers.) The hope for a better future seems a bit diminished by the shroud of darkness covering the country. Hope has been what we survived on these last many years of our lives. (Like, we hoped that going to law school would make our lives more comfortable -- the whole reason we went in the first place.) We have relied upon hope when forces seemed unbearably against us. There were moments along the way when we felt like Frodo at the top of Mt. Doom . . . when he was so close to finishing his journey, but he was overcome by his task, his heavy burden, and he felt he could go no further. His hope seemed to be lost. (I am speaking of our law school experience). Luckily, for us though, we had hope from an unearthly Source. An infinite Source. The Source of ALL hope. We did make it through, despite all our fears. Our hope carried us through, it still does, and always will. 

I also, sometimes, forget that we are not like others who may not have struggled so much on their journey (when I say "so much" that is not to diminish the trials of others, which I am sure were great, too) . . . but our journey is different . . . we are changing our stars. It is not an easy thing to do. Charles did not have the advantages that so many of his peers had. He pushed forward despite all odds against him. (I am not going to go in-depth, but his childhood/youth was far from "ideal" or even pleasant -- to say the least). When I say overcome, I mean overcome! He still astonishes me to this day. He has come so far, so very far. I am so grateful that I hitched my wagon to his star! I would not miss watching him "shine" for anything. 

I am going on and on (I tend to do that) . . . so back to the beginning. I struggle . . . I struggle with watching so many people suffer, when so many others have such ease. When the Titanic sunk, they first loaded those on the upper-decks into the lifeboats, while those down below were forced to wait "their turn". The result of waiting their turn . . . a frozen grave. It has always been thus. The wealthy thrive, while the poor die. It has always been hard for me to understand the injustice of this mortal world; The division of classes, the haughtiness of silver-spoon people, the better-than-you concept, the utter, despicable, pride. It haunts my thoughts, these troublesome things, even daily. 

There will, however, come a day when the division of classes, will be no more. When our "worth" will not be judged by our pocketbooks, but by our faith, actions, and our hearts. When our hearts will no longer be grasping for the ashes of worldly treasures; rather, they will long for the "treasures" which will burn with eternal glory, forever. . . 

I live in a small house, but it is filled (literally) with those whom I love and who love me. My bank account is half-empty, but my heart is full. My car is a lemon, but I continuously squeeze lemon-aide out of it. Our school debt is tremendous, but our debt to the Savior is eternal. Charles has a good job, when many others are out of work. Just a few reasons to be grateful! 

I have the gospel of Jesus Christ to light my life and my way. I know who I am. I cannot describe in words the gratitude I feel in my heart -- the screen would burst into flames. I know that no amount of "things" will ever make one happy. (There is proof enough of that all over the news.) I know that if you are not happy with what you have right now -- you will never be happy -- no amount of more, will ever fill your desire.  I am full. I am happy. I am overwhelmed. I have everything in the world that I could ever desire. Everything else . . . just details. 

I was fasting to have a greater sense of gratitude in my life, for my life. I also added a line about letting me teach myself, rather than having it "thrust" upon me, through some tragedy, etc. (I made that mistake once (not being specific) when I asked to "be humbled" -- not a good idea!) I always express my gratitude in my prayers, always.  But I would like to take it to the next level, and feel gratitude more deeply.  That is my hope, my wish, for this holiday season . . . 

To feel, deeply, grateful . . . And I do!