Perfection

I hesitate, a little, to write my thoughts this morning. I had an "interesting" experience yesterday in Relief Society and it has caused me to contemplate a lot of things. It was even more interesting that I was already considering a blog post about this subject, but after yesterday, it became a little more personal -- too personal.

I was innocently sitting on the sidelines in the Relief Society room (my seat of choice, so I can scope out the whole room -- I'm a people watcher) and I was enjoying the lesson taught by the Relief Society President. It was a great lesson, which she taught mostly from the Book of Mormon. She was relating scriptures to modern-day issues that women face: pride, vanity, doubt, despair, pursuing self over family, etc., etc. She mentioned that we do not have to be perfect in our housekeeping, appearance, etc. We are too hard on ourselves. But we also need to guard ourselves against the evils of the day. I am being vague in the interest of time . . . it was a fantastic lesson. I loved it.

At one point the teacher said something about not having to appear like the "perfect family". You know, the family with hair curled/combed, nicely dressed, and perfectly reverent during church, etc. As this "perfect family" was being described in greater detail, a new lady in our ward said out loud, "Yeah, like the van Ormers!" (My breath was taken away at this point.) Now, I do not get offended easily -- but I do get embarrassed easily! My face turned white and my cheeks were burning red. My mind did not quite capture what she had just declared. (I was probably day-dreaming, or watching someone else wondering how they manage to look so perfect.) Everyone laughed at her comment, nodding in agreement. (This does not mean they agreed, but they were likely just being nice.) In my state of shock, I turned to my neighbor and said, "She hasn't been in the ward very long! She has no idea!" My neighbor did not help much when she said, "Your house is always clean, isn't it?" (I am not using names, to protect the innocent, but I must mention that I love my "neighbor".) :-) She went on to say, "She is right, I have sat behind you for a long time." This perplexed me even further.

I sat through the rest of the lesson wondering why such a thing would be said about my family. We sit on the very front row (which is why I think we were targeted!). But could the new lady not see my blood-pressure rise when my children are not listening? Could she not see that my legs were numb from holding my 4 year-old tightly on my lap? Could she not see my kids tug-o-warring over a crayon? Could she not see the dirty looks? Could she not see that my children's socks don't match, and they have stains on their white shirts? Could she not see that Sammi refuses to wear tights? Could she not see that I was wearing clothes I have had since I was 16? Could she not see my kids pick their noses? Oh yes, we are perfection. Now, I admit this last Sunday was calm, but that is only because William fell asleep! If only she could have seen the yelling it took to get us out the door!

Now, I think most of you know, and especially those who know me well . . . I am not THAT girl, and I do not have THAT family. You are probably laughing right now, because you have seen my dirty-laundry. You also know that I do not even fold my laundry! I am often found in jammie-pants during the day and make-up/hair is a Sunday event. So, we may appear "put-together" on Sunday, at a very far distance -- but just don't look too closely, or drop-by unexpectedly. You will be disappointed. And you might be invited to fold towels. :-)

My reason for writing this is to show the absurdity of judging others and comparing ourselves to others. Every seemingly "perfect" person has PROBLEMS. This is something I know for certain. You dig deep enough and you find that people are just people! I have noticed that everyone has something that they do not like about themselves. There are just a few things I wanted to mention, of people I know. Here are some of the things that plague their thoughts: Arms are too long, chin is not pronounced, arms are too hairy, muffin top, crooked teeth, legs are too short, hair is too thin, hair is too thick, stretch marks, dislike hair color, feet are too big, feet are too small, don't like freckles, nose too big, too chubby, too skinny, etc., etc. The list could go on, and on. Everyone has something they would change. Something that keeps them from being, or rather, feeling . . . "perfect".

But the thing is PERFECT is not meant to be PHYSICAL! PERFECT is meant to be SPIRITUAL! I think that many who are striving to be perfect (or as good as you can be) are going about it all wrong. You only have to drive for 5 minutes in Utah to see that advertised plastic surgery and perfect homes are what will make you happy. Right? As long as you have all the right stuff, and look the right way . . . then you will be happy? As long as you have the appearance of perfection, then you must be close?

How far from the TRUE goal we can get. How obsessed with ourselves we can be! What a sly way to distract us from acquiring real perfection, the perfection of the heart.

And when we can stop comparing ourselves to others, and just LOVE them . . . then we will know happiness. Have I said that before? Yes, a bunch of times! And I know it is true! Now, I have been on the other end of the comparison game and I did not like it. At all. I thought people understood me a little better than that? I thought just by looking at me you would know I am nice, insecure, and unpretentious. But really, how can you understand me, if you do not know me? How can you know me, just by looking at me, and not digging any deeper?

Don't judge others. You are very likely, almost certainly, WRONG. I am well-versed on this subject. I used to be a first-class judge of others. It was a hobby of mine, really. Funny thing is, some of those victims -- whom I judged most harshly -- have become by closest friends! So give up the judging and gain a friend, or two! :-)

So about this perfection concept . . . instead of trying to perfect the thing that will certainly give out on you with time (your physical appearance), perhaps we should perfect the thing that will NEVER give out on us . . . LOVE. Having charity (the pure love of Christ), is the number one requirement to live with God again, after all. Having charity in our hearts is something worth striving for. Something worth perfecting. Something we CAN perfect! No Botox required!

And, as a personal request . . . PLEASE, have some charity for me. I am about as average and simple as they come. There is no use in judging me . . . I guarantee you are wrong.

Just love me . . . and you are one step closer to perfection. :-)