Friend or Foe?

I have been discovering that parenthood is not as cut-and-dry as it once was! When my children were small and mostly homebound (and home-safe) it was SO much less complicated! I am enjoying each new journey, and educational lesson, but some lessons are more difficult than others. . . . .

During this last school year Sammi had some trouble with one of her "friends". This friend would say things like, "You are not thinking straight! You are doing it wrong! etc, etc." while putting her hands on her hips, with a nasty look, and trying to degrade little Sammi. (I saw her do it, and corrected her quickly!) She would tell Sammi things like, "Being a mom is not a real job -- so you cannot choose that as what you want to be when you grow up." Anyhow, it was almost a daily thing. She would report at the end of the day what happened with this friend. I would encourage her to find other nice friends to play with, but it was hard for her to break away from this girl who actually started out nice, and friendly -- but then she turned sour!

It was much to my pleasure to find out that their family would be moving away -- no more nasty friend troubles! At least not this particular one. So, the other day, her mother called to invite Sammi to her birthday party. I (of course) did not want her to go. Not after all the trouble she had caused her! So, what did I do? I did not return her phone calls. . . I just let them slide by the wayside. Then the day of the party came, her mother called again (she had called many, many times.) She said she had not heard from us, so she was going to stop by our house to see if were there, so Sammi could go. Luckily, we had moved! Then I got another message, this time saying she had gone to our house, forgotten we had moved, needed our new address, and she said she would drive around and look for us, because she knows that I take morning runs -- yikes! After hearing these messages I was about to call and say, "leave us alone!" but my decision was to just not answer, or return any phone calls -- and maybe she would eventually get the idea! It took awhile, but she did stop calling . . . for now!

One of the reasons I did not call her back, was because I did not want her to know where we live now, to prevent future stop-bys. Still, I felt so guilty about it. But, I was also trying to protect Sammi, and our sanity! This lady is high-stress, high-strung, and just a really quick mover (I do not know how else to describe her.) It seems like she must live on coffee or something. She is a very pushy lady. My personal hope is to just end the relationship, and move on. There is nothing worse then friends that drag you down, and make you feel horrible!! If I can help in preventing Sammi from a relationship like that, I will! I would rather she had no friends, over mean, abusive, "friends".

Perhaps, I am over-exaggerating this child's meanness? But I have seen Sammi with true friends (thank you Julia!) and I have seen how different Sammi is with friends that are kind, as opposed to those who are not. Anyhow, my guilt is slowly withering away with time. Guilt, because I should have been big enough to call and just tell the mother (kindly) what was up. But I was too chicken. I wish I had called the mom earlier on (during the school year) and expressed my concern for her child's behavior. (I had talked to the teacher about it, many times, and the teacher agreed with me, and tried to help.) But, what should I have said to her? "Ummmm, lady, your child is a brat?" or "Your child is rude, and mean?" I am just SO grateful they have moved -- a very direct answer to prayer. I will take one for the "team" if I have to. I will just have to deal with having people not like me. If it is about protecting my children and family -- watch out!

I searched, and prayed, and searched some more for what I should have done, what the right course was . . . I received no answer. That "no" answer was translated into "no action". So, that is what I did. Whether it was right or wrong, I still do not know. . .

My new prayer is that Sammi will find new friends this coming school year. Friends that will lift her up, and not drag her down. Friends that will let her be Sammi Sunshine . . . and not take her glow away!!! It is truly rough out there for the young kids now. It was when I was young, but it continues to grow more extreme -- at much younger ages. The children are exposed to too much, too young. I am so grateful for the gospel! I am so grateful for the constancy amidst the changing world. I am grateful that our home can be one of God's many workshops throughout the world -- where God-fearing people are being crafted, and they can be used as tools for good! I love my Sammi. I love her sunshine personality. I pray she will always keep it through the storms of life!